Just another day

Ever since I had said I was moving July 1st, both Jack and Dad have been pretty nice to me.  I know it won't last, but looking on line at places for rent with 3-4 bedrooms 2 bath and a large spacious living room, kitchen and den with a garage that locks is hard to find for a reasonable price.  And one with pets???? Whoo Whee you pay $25.00 - $35.00 for each pet each month.  I have been thru the ads on the computer and all I have found is $1150 and up.  With one guy only able to pay $300 per month, another girl paying $400 per month and I can only afford $600 per month, that gives us a ceiling of $1300 including all the pet rents.

Since I don't see us all three finding a place, my back up plan is to move up with my mom. It does not matter to me where I move, it will be away from here.  Even though the men here are being nice, I know it won't last.  I have put up with my dad yelling because my outside light came on in the night while he was out walking.  Instead of just telling me it was on, he started yelling and throwing a fit. I very calmly got dressed and went up to turn the light off and when I got back down to the house my Dad continued to yell and throw a fit for another 20 or so minutes.

Another instance was when I had 2 low wattage bulbs on in my room and was laying down.  My Dad seen both lights on threw a fit cause he thinks I need one light even though it don't light up the whole room, which was why I had both lights on, so I could see.

At each and other instances like these, my dad told me maybe I did not belong down here, and this last instance where he sided with my brother on an issue of my friend not being allowed on the property, it broke the camels back, I'm leaving.

I Just Don't Know

I used to wonder why my life is in the condition its in.  I went from  City living to Country Living, which is one grocery store day each month, which is usually ALL Shopping is done on this one day a month.  I'm not able to go back to my TriMet job and work down here (Josephine County) really sucks.  Now I have signed my death sentence to stay here cause I need a place with a barn/stall/running yard and pasture. I have just bought a horse, well a couple of months ago, and he is the sweetest thing.  He is calm, eager to please, and has a beautiful gait.

I am sooo looking forwards to working with him.

Now Dad tells me that I don't belong here, that I should not have moved in.  He waits till AFTER I buy a horse to tell me this.  I don't know if he wants me to stay or to leave.  We rarely have a conversation cause they always turn into arguments and Dad yelling and kicking things.

Leaving July 1st

Well its been a while since I have wrote on here.  Good News, I am moving to Lebanon OR with a couple of friends so I can look for a place to buy.  My friend Anthony has agreed to look after my horse Toc till I find a place where I can have him.  I will miss all my family and friends but will not miss the chaos and stress of where I am living now.  I can no longer take the argueing, and being told I don't belong here, I don't do anything, I am dispensible.  I don't really like it down here, so I am leaving July 1st.

Winter Wonderland

We got snow.  It stuck and now the whole place looks white.  My Pug puppies (they are almost 10 months old) didn't like the snow at first but now they play in it and go out to go pottie in it. That is when they are let out in the yard.

We also got a plugged toilet.  Should be unplugged tomorrow.

Un-Plugged Toilet

Well we got the toilet sorta unplugged.  All they can find is one tampon that had been flushed down so I am considered the guilty one.  I have not used a tampon for over 6 years and certainly not since I have been down here.  I told Dad that I do not use tampons and he says "I don't know of anyone else" meaning he does not believe me.  Oh well, just one more reason to move ASAP.

Rants

Now since this is my rant site, let me tell you the problems here.  I can't clean until everyone gets up at noon or later.  I get up at 6am and thats when I like to do all my stuff.  I wish they would flush the toilet, I wish Jack would pay his share of the toilet.  I wish I didn't have to live so far from town but I don't have the resources to move and can't as long as I have the pets.  My pugs and Lily are the ones that keep me going here.  I know lots of I wish, Dad told me one day that maybe I didn't belong here.  Well where do I belong? Thats the question.  I live on less than a thousand per month, rent is expensive and would not leave me much to live on.  At least here all I pay is electric (Jack don't) and part of the phone bill that gives me DSL.  I'm unhappy here but no where else to go.  I had to move to here cause that was the only place left I could go, so I have to find a way to be happy.  I have my brother but I can't spend all my time with him, and being with him makes me happy, but there is alot of loneliness down here.

At least I have an indoor bathroom which is more than my brother has.  He has to use an outhouse cause he don't have a indoor bathroom or running hot water.  I bought him an in-line water heater so when he puts that together with his water he will have hot water too.  He is working on his indoor bathroom, and will have it done this summer.

Well thats all for this ranting.  Stay tuned, more to come.

The Holiday Blah

Well, Christmas is almost here.  I should be used to having Christmas alone but I still miss my family (alive and passed on).  I have my puppies to keep me company this year, maybe it will snow and I will get to see a white christmas.  Don't get the wrong impression, I do not like the snow when I have to go out in it but for a holiday it would be nice to have.  I have already celebrated Christmas with my daughter, her husband and 3 grandkids.  We had a wonderful time, then went up and seen my Mom and brother for a bit.  

I live with my Dad and husband Jack for those of you who do not know.  Neither of these men celebrate Christmas so I am limited as to what I can do as far as decorating the house and surroundings, not that it would matter much no one would see them.  My older brother decorated a tree in his back yard.  It is seen by him when he goes to the outhouse.  He uses it for his light.  I got to put up one string of lights and one 2ft tree behind the TV cause there is no other place to set it, and the presents that have been given to us are sitting on the printer except Jacks cause he could not wait.  Dads girlfriend gave Dad a bunch of candy which he eats and don't gain an ounce for Christmas so I guess while I am enjoying my box of candy they will not have any.  We all three got a box of Chocolate covered cherries which of course Jack don't eat so I guess Dad and I will eat them.  He should be out of candy by then.

I must try to stay content and patient.  Pretty soon my vacation from here comes and I go to Beaverton OR for a week in May.  I should be glad cause Jack said he would watch the pups while I was gone.  I just have to take Lily.